Nine hours of school, five hours of work, four dozen cupcakes baked, one load of laundry done, four gallons of gas in car, two quarts of oil also in car and a skin physiology project down. And yet no arms to fall asleep in. Fuck this shit.
Who who have thought that you would become such a huge part of my life. Almost a year ago to the day, I had no clue who you were, had never laid eyes on you and had no insight into who you were. Now, a year later, not a second goes by that I don’t think about you and how much I absolutely, completely and whole heartedly love and adore you. Now the time has come for you to leave. And I really, really wish I hadn’t let myself be unguarded around you, because I’m so easily broken and ridiculously fragile when it comes to you. My biggest fear now is whether or not I’ve made enough impression on you so you won’t forget me. I want to badly to be on your mind even just a fraction of how often you’re on mine. I want to be the woman of your dreams, your best friend for life and the person you can trust with anything. You scare the shit out of me, but at the same time you’re my home, my comfort and my warmth. Never have I ever slept so soundly in my own bed until you were next to me in it. Just thinking about not having you right there whenever I need you is tearing me up, so for now, I’ll work on your goodbye gift in hopes that you’ll actually like it, and from time to time it might make you think of me.
I think I fall a little in love with people when I catch them in small moments, when they think no one’s looking at them, when they absently twirl a strand of hair between their fingers, when they lick their thumb to turn a page in a book. There’s something beautiful about a person who is lost in a thought, or adjusting their shirt, or is scratching a phantom itch on their arm, or even someone who is looking at someone else like I am looking at them.
“I guess my life hasn’t always been happy, or easy, or exactly what I want. At a certain point, I just have to try not to think too much about certain things, or else they’ll break my heart.”—Jonathan Franzen, Freedom (via 4mbivalent)